If you haven’t seen the article at Swollen Pickels blog - 10 tips to becoming a Make Money Online sheep - go read that article first and then come back here to read the rest of today’s post. Pickles took several heartfelt jabs at the ludicrous “Make Money Online” bloggers. You know the type of bloggers I’m talking about. They’re everywhere. The putrid self-proclaimed Super Affiliates who have cartoon character mascots, post pictures of their Adsense checks and generally feed their readers a load of fecal matter every time they post in hopes of making enough affiliate cash to pay for a couple of Pumpkin Spice Crème lattes (with whipped cream, of course) at Starbucks.
Wake up people !! Real affiliate marketers do not drink Frappuccinos or Lattes and real affiliate marketers certainly would never be caught uttering some of the oozing dribble seen emanating from this overpopulated niche where brain cells have taken a back seat to palpable absurdity.
After reading through my fair share of the “Make Money Online” blogs, looking for a sanguine grain of truth but instead only finding a miserable plethora of hustle and jive sandwiched between slices of regurgitated contrivance, I decided it was time to end the silence.
Following the lead set by Swollen Pickels, I offer you 10 Secret Confessions of the Super Affiliates - a no holds barred look at what these narcissistic charlatans try to peddle you as truth and the real truth behind the misinformaton they would like to perpetuate as affiliate gospel. So, with no further brouhaha, here we go…
- What they say - I make $100K per month in PPC Marketing with Copeac !
What they really mean - I still live with my mom and dad because I spend all of my money on $350 an ounce hydroponic weed. - What they say - Look at this payment proof picture of my earnings check !
What they really mean - My little sister in middle school is really good at Photoshop and I had here chop this picture for me. - What they say - Affiliate marketing pays my bills and then some !
What they really mean - In reality, I have no bills (see #1) because I live in my parents basement. - What they say - I bought a Lexus from PPC marketing and now all the girls at school want to ride to lunch with me !
What they really mean - I have a small penis but I bought a penis extender kit and a bottle of Viagra from some Russian spam email. - What they say - You can get rich like me if you follow my “Super Affiliate” techniques !
What they really mean - Somebody please buy my e-book on clickbank because I’m running low on hydroponic weed that I need to be stoned to come up with crazy ideas for my new e-book. - What they say - I made my first million in PPC/SEM before I was out of college !
What they really mean - I still haven’t taken my basic math courses because I spent $3 million on Adwords to make $1 million. - What they say - I’m so cool, someone made a cartoon character of me !
What they really mean - I spent the money my parents sent me for Clearasil pimple creme on Adwords so I couldn’t take a real picture. - What they say - PPC Marketing is so super easy !
What they really mean - Ask my parents about the $9000 per month Google Adwords charges on their credit card. - What they say - I make so much money online I dropped out of college !
What they really mean - I couldn’t afford my tuition this semester because I spent my student loan on Adwords and hydroponic weed and my parents cancelled my credit card. - What they say - I’m a Super Affiliate !
What they really mean - I have bondage mask, leather cape, spandex body suit, latex gloves and a can of Crisco in my dorm room closet to prove it.
Well, there you have it folks, the 10 Secret Confessions of the Super Affiliates.
If there are any secret confessions I might have missed, you know how to use a comment form.
If you liked this post, please Digg it, Sphinn it, Stumble it or pass it on !!
Happy Publishing
Dave
How do you come up with this stuff? I laughed all the way through the list of confessions. The swollen pickles article is awesome too. Both of your blogs are diamonds in the rough !!
Dave,
Once again you’ve boldly gon where no other affiliate blogger has gone before. I’m so sick and tired of these John Chow and Shoemoney clone blogs and fanboys. sometimes I wish they would all go belly up and let blogging be left to the creative bloggers with a sense of humor.
“a can of Crisco in my dorm room closet to prove it”
too freaking much !!! Are you talking about Johnathan Volk when you made that one up ??
Have you been visiting WickedFire forums again Dave ??
I know your just trying to make fun of me and my blog so stop it now or else I’m going to tell my mommy on you when she gets home.
We have tested major online marketing strategies.
Yes we earn gradually not instant as claim by this article.. It take time to get the traffic and sales but at least it is stable
Funny but I believe this is true. It really happens most of the time especially to those MMO blog but not really making any bucks.
Classic Dave telling it as it really is.
[…] To read the full article click here […]
wow.. its seem like a awsome articles..
Its really interesting too funny too also makes me to think. you have done a great job of sharing this article
LOL, and I had read Pickles posts before and loved it and I love this too. What kills me even more is those that put the sites up on blogspot wihtiout even a domain - so let me get this straight - you make so much money online you can’t afford a domain and hosting?
Hehehe. I do laugh when I read this articles. Tks mike!!!
Nice secret article for newbie like me… Hehe…
Btw thanks a lot…
Interesting Article…..I liked reading this..
You took the words out of a horse’s mouth Dave. I used to say these myself about the so-called “Super Affiliates”.
I agree with Lee, I never got why you can’t afford a couple bux a year for a domain if you’re making that kind of cash. Things are not always what they seem!
The blogs hosted for free on Blogger or Blogspot are the most hilarious. This whole MMO blogger phenomenon can be traced back to two blogs, John Chow and Shoemoney. I really don’t care how much money some geek affiliate makes, in my opinion, how much you make is nobody’s business but your own.
What bothers me is that so many young creative people are following the crowd like lost sheep and not only wasting their precious youth but they’re wasting their creativity.
All the time some kid spends trying to copy Chow or Shoe could be better spent being original. That’s why I really like SwollenPickles’ blog and a few others who mix humour, pop culture and originality into a unique blog format.
Great post this is the first time I have visited this blog and I really like it.
I think “Super Affiliates” use income proof from there own product sales and not from the actual methods they are trying to sell off.
Great Blog Dave!!!
Just wondering how easy it seem to make money online. Good one
Thanks for the great article. I love reading about other’s stupidity especially when somebody calls them on it in public.
Amanda
Hilarious. Sometimes it makes me sick all of the blogs with same format, same infos and nothing new.
Blogs need to be original to make any money. just making a clone site of John Chow will not guarantee you make as much money as he does.
That is pretty funny. If affiliates, especially those in the IM world, would just take a much more down to Earth approach understanding their market is probably onto them, I think they would do better.
This is great. I could hardly quit laughing to type this. This a ton.
what exactly this affiliate marketing all about. do i have to pay to become an affiliate, what are the earnings pattern. how much time do i have to devote daily to become an affiliate.
[…] 10 Secret Confessions of the Super Affiliates […]
I love all of this controversy.. it’s like theater! I’m sure this is why many of us keep reading.
Too bad, too much information and advertisements about MMO’s. SO until today, many are still joining the bandwagon…
I know what you mean,Ice Rabia, I just found several more new MMO sites on Entrecard in the last two days alone. Of course, each one looks exactly like the other one, same themes, same ads, same everything…
yeah Dave, it is making me sick also. I wonder why these MMO blogs can’t do something original. They all copy- copy- copy and do nothing new.
Some people sound like they are jealous they aren’t making as much money as the super affiliates. :-)
This is one of the funniest things I have read in a long time. I especially like #4. I agree that most MMO bloggers are nothing more than high tech snake oil salesman.
Online marketers are sheep and one in every hundred are a wolf in sheeps clothing.
[…] sheep, a couple of weeks ago, Dave from AffiliateBestPrograms.com has written his own list, the 10 secret confessions of super affiliates. Funny […]
Thanks for the plug Dave!
Do you know what super powers “Super Affiliates” have?
@Pickles, I think some of the “Super Affiliates” super powers are :
1.) The ability to bend the truth.
2.) The Power to Photoshop small checks into bigger ones.
3.) Mass mind control over the sheeple
I think most of them are like Nightcrawler from the X-men and leave the stench of brimstone when they teleport from convention to convention :-)
[…] How to Get Indexed by Google Is Google AdSense a Joke ? Shawn Hogan of DigitalPoint Caught Wit… 10 Secret Confessions of the Super Aff… Google Chrome - A Better Browser or Ju… 7 Reasons Most Affiliate Marketers Fai…»» […]
I think they have extra sensory linkbaiting powers and the ability to confuse readers that an article has actual content when it really has none.
The best powers they have is to pull the wool over the sheeps eyes.
I was one of those sheep when I started out and I read John Chow’s blog every day. but quickly I learned it was a waste of time so I only read it once in a while when I’m bored and need a good laugh.
Hey dude you should join my club we plan to laugh all the way to the bank…
American
Society of
Simple
Home-workers &
organized
LOL
entertainers
Hey you could probably get a rise in the ranks if you join our prison band “thebend-overs” Boy Band. ;-)
[…] How to Get Indexed by Google Is Google AdSense a Joke ? Shawn Hogan of DigitalPoint Caught Wit… 10 Secret Confessions of the Super Aff… Google Chrome - A Better Browser or Ju… 7 Reasons Most Affiliate Marketers Fai…»» […]
This is good idea. I thought most of the online money making are fake. Thanks for the information.May i know which is the easy and best PPC site?
Wow, I never knew that 10 Secret Confessions of the Super Affiliates. That’s pretty interesting…
Its the nature of MMO. Just dont get too over with it..
*sigh*
It was very funny Dave,
Thank you.
I always wonder if these “super affiliates” are for real or not. Thanks for exposing the darker side of things.
There is this guy who did a big marketing campaign; it said something like, “send me 10 dollars and I will tell you how to make one million dollars”; guaranteed, otherwise you get your money back; this was a real big campaign, so he got more than 100,000 people sending him the check; and he said to them:
“do like me”.
What I always wondered is how come there are so many people who know how to make a fortune and who want to share!